My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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