i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
