i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
