The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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