I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
