Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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