Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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