Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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