did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
