3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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