you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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