hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
