Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
