I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
