I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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