He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
