no, he came in my armpit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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