What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you didnt know i had herpes?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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