also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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