On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
