I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
