Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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