Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fuck appropriateness.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
