Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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