He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
