I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
