My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
