so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
is it fun? or sober?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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