we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
