I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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