____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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