This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
