Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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