You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
