I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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