i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
