it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
