just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
