he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
