It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
