My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
