We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
