You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
