Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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