He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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