A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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