I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
