can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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