You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
