You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
