Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
