he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
