so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
