I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
