A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
