we have pet lesbian snakes
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
