It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
